While Dasha was in prison, she dreamed of the future: she’d get out, meet a tall, confident lawyer ready to spend all her money on Dasha’s therapy, and start a brand new chapter of her life. In reality, things turned out differently — but also far more unpredictable. Two months after her release, already living in Poland, she met Ksyusha — a fair-haired Belarusian woman, a head and a half shorter than her — and it was love at first sight.
Dasha is a feminist, activist, and former political prisoner who spent two and a half years in jail. She also runs a feminist blog on Instagram. Ksyusha is a doctor — an internist and future surgeon — who enjoys staying at home. While Dasha is very sociable, Ksyusha is quiet and reserved. And in that contrast, they’ve found comfort with each other. That’s how their relationship began — one filled with true love, tenderness, support, the slow process of rebuilding a life piece by piece, a dog named Zubik, and shared plans for a wedding.
In this episode of the “Top or Bottom?” podcast, Dasha and Ksyusha talk about their lives and the past that brought them together. About the anxiety disorder that followed Dasha’s political imprisonment and the importance of trust — trust that must be rebuilt from scratch.
Relationships after prison always bring up the question: how do you build them? There’s the idea of how you wish it would be — but then there’s reality. Dasha once thought she’d immediately go to an LGBTQ+ club in Minsk after release — but when the time came, she had no energy for anything. Coming out of prison meant reintroducing herself to who she was, because what she went through left a deep mark. Anxiety, fear of loud noises, the inability to approach the door — Ksyusha is the one who answers when guests or couriers come by.
She feels that she’s no longer the same person she was before prison. After her release, Dasha’s idea of who she was didn’t align with how she actually felt — and that disconnect came with fear: what if she didn’t live up to others’ expectations?
There was also a deeper, more intimate fear: Dasha realized that Ksyusha would have to help heal wounds she didn’t cause. And with that came anxiety — what if her own reactions or defense mechanisms ended up hurting Ksyusha, even unintentionally?
Dasha had been married, but the marriage ended before she was imprisoned. Her ex-husband supported her the entire time — he gathered and sent care packages through her mother, and lived with her cats for a year despite being allergic. There were no demands or expectations between them.
Trust, however, remained a difficult issue. During her sentence, Dasha was not waited for — neither by the woman she loved nor by her friends. That left a deep hurt. The relationships ended one-sidedly — there was no call to her mother, not even a single chocolate bar. And in prison, a chocolate bar means a lot. That’s why, the day after her release, Dasha gathered and delivered care packages to the women who were still incarcerated.
Today, Dasha is working with her therapist on a recurring emotional pattern: “What did I do wrong?”, “What did I fail to give?”, “Did I not deserve it?” She lives with the constant feeling that those close to her might leave.
But Dasha’s story isn’t just about trauma. It’s about real love — the kind that isn’t afraid of the shadows of the past. It’s about a woman who understands breakdowns, who will hold Dasha if she wakes up in the middle of the night from a loud noise and say: “I’m here”.
In the episode, we also talk about lesbians in women’s colonies — yes, they exist. And while five years ago people wouldn’t even “boil water” next to an openly lesbian woman, the situation has changed today. Dasha shares stories about “families” formed inside the prison, about an attempt to stage a music video with elements of drag culture, about the support and informal sisterhood among political prisoners.
Political prisoners lived within a close-knit community, interacting only in a narrow circle — due to restrictions and the yellow tags sewn onto their clothing (placed there by the administration to mark all political prisoners). What helped them endure were jokes and mutual support.
Today, Dasha and Ksyusha have a dog and a cat. Their dog, Zubik (he’s 16 years old), was adopted from a shelter in poor condition, but now he’s doing great and has even gained weight — 8 kg. The cat was brought over from Belarus. In the near future, the couple is planning their wedding and thinking about having children.
