In Belarusian culture, sexuality is often perceived as a taboo topic — but has it always been that way? What can this tell us? Darya Hardzeichyk, creator of the podcasts “The History of Belarusian Sex” and “Daughters-Mothers”, breaks stereotypes by showing that our ancestors talked about intimacy far more freely than it might seem at first glance. In fact, sometimes even more freely than today’s society allows.
Folklore reveals that our ancestors had active, diverse sex lives that were far from “prudish” — despite how history has been presented to us. The only catch? Much of what survived to the present day is encoded in metaphor and symbolism.
The History of Belarusian Sex is the first podcast in Belarus dedicated to exploring sexuality in folklore. The concept was born during times of political turbulence. Its creator, Darya Hardzeichyk, recalls that after reading the collection Belarusian Erotic Folklore, everything clicked — the name, the visuals, the idea. And so, the podcast about the transformation of sexual and romantic norms in traditional society was born.
Today, one of the most painful issues in society is the forced choice between “doing the right thing” and “accepting your own children”. The hosts and guest on the podcast note that families are often more willing to accept an alcoholic or an abuser — someone living an antisocial or even dangerous life — than to accept a relative who has come out.
Why? Because the small family sees itself as part of a larger one — society — and it’s more important to follow the rules and fit into the system than to embrace their children. Darya believes that soviet history plays a role here: families were deported to labor camps, imprisoned together. In that context, survival meant compliance. And so, in our culture, alcohol addiction and domestic violence have become more socially acceptable than homosexuality.
And from another angle — in the soviet era, loyalty to the party was paramount, while the family meant little. The party, lenin, and ideological loyalty were the priority. Autocratic systems benefit from a less diverse society — it’s easier to control people who, for instance, struggle with alcohol addiction than those who have freedom of expression or the freedom to choose their identity.
Darya notes that many of today’s stereotypes originated in the GULAG and Soviet prison system, where humiliation and rigid hierarchies were the norm. Authorities encouraged hostility between people to prevent solidarity and reinforce state control. The very concept of the “opushchenny” (a derogatory term from prison slang) came from this environment and was later actively ingrained in society. This perception of sexuality — especially homosexuality — and the resulting homophobic attitudes still persist today. Because any mindset outside the controlled model is a threat to the system.
Secondly, social media is also subject to censorship. Algorithms suppress content, which means even educational posts or videos are either doomed from the start or forced to come across as unserious. For example, creators have to replace the word “sex” with “cupcake” [it’s pronounced “kieks” in the original] just to get their content seen. [The same practice exists in English, but the word “sex” is replaced by “seggs”.]
Thirdly, all of this became possible because people fear judgment. On such soil, all the imposed myths, stereotypes, homophobia, and general lack of awareness were able to take root — even when it comes to topics like safe sex or self-discovery. And today’s regime tightened the final screw in this system of control.
If we go back to folklore, in earlier times, control was imposed primarily through the church and legal regulations — even when the subject was sex rather than sexual orientation. The real result of that control is mostly seen in how little information from that period survived or how deeply it was encrypted in folklore — not in actual submission to the system’s attempt to regulate personal life.
In the podcast The History of Belarusian Sex, which started this episode’s discussion, the host Darya Hardzeichyk set out to explore the transformation of social norms through the lens of intimate relationships. Perhaps even to break the stereotype that Belarusian culture has always been restrained and conservative. Belarusian folklore is full of suggestive themes, and in ancient times, people had a much more relaxed attitude toward sex.
Darya shares fascinating examples from history, folklore, and even religious customs. For instance, ancient folk songs contain direct references to sexual practices, and some priests during confession would ask women extremely detailed questions about their intimate lives. The episode also explores historical perspectives on sexuality — including attitudes toward homosexuality, women’s sexual emancipation, and how religious and state norms shaped personal relationships.
One of the quotes Darya shares as evidence of suggestive themes in folk songs is: “Jak za lesam, za buirakam, tam stajala dzieŭka rakam, a duran dumaŭ, što kaplica dy davaj tudy malitstsa”. [“Beyond the forest, past the ravine, there stood a girl on all fours, and the fool thought it was a chapel and started praying there”.] She adds, “In case it’s not clear — that’s about cunnilingus and anilingus”.
“How much of a sense of humor one must have to joke about sex and the church like that — and twist it all so cleverly — I’m honestly impressed”, Darya remarks.
And the folk song “Napai mnie konika” [“Give my horse a drink”] is clearly not about a horse (after all, why would a girl refuse to give water just because “you’re not my husband”? Surely, it’s not about the water — and you don’t need to be married for that).
Darya emphasizes that people have used metaphors for centuries — but the meaning was obvious. The real issue today is that we’ve forgotten how to interpret them.
In this episode, we also addressed topics like sexual safety and the culture of consent. We discussed situations where men neglect contraception and take little responsibility for their own health — a persistent problem in today’s society. The conversation touched on various types of contraception available today (spoiler: you might not have heard of some — like latex dental dams, for example).
Aside from the podcast “The History of Belarusian Sex”, Darya is also the co-host of “Daughters-Mothers” podcast. In this show, two women (both feminists) — Darya herself and Iryna Novik — explore generational gaps and differing worldviews. Despite the show’s title, Darya and Iryna are not related, though many assume they are. Iryna shares beliefs passed on to her in childhood (influenced by her mother — not in the sense of maternal responsibility, but in the “this is just how things are” kind of way). Darya, on the other hand, says she reached her views through her own reflection and rethinking of values, greatly aided by psychotherapy.
Toward the end of the episode, the hosts touched on the topic of desire. Podcast host Nasta Bazar notes that, in society, even masturbation is often seen as merely a technical act — just “to release tension” — rather than a means of self-discovery. And because of this, we don’t touch ourselves, we don’t hug ourselves, we don’t explore ourselves. And if you don’t know yourself, it becomes even harder to think about others. This aspect of self-awareness doesn’t take a central place in our value systems. Eventually, the entire world starts to feel like it functions just as you do — but that’s often far from true.
In conclusion, just like in all previous episodes where these ideas have run as a common thread, we want to once again encourage everyone — no matter who you are or how you identify — to:
Speak openly and without shame when discussing contraception. Remember the importance of consent. Do not be ashamed of the topic of pleasure or self-exploration. And always respect the choices of others — whether that’s being part of the LGBTQ+ community, being in a traditional marriage, choosing open relationships, or having relationships without sex at all. The most important thing is harmony. And even if you’re not in a romantic relationship — that harmony can be found in your relationship with yourself.
