In this episode of the podcast, Nasta Bazar and Dasha Churko answer questions from listeners, share their experiences, and reflect on what it means to be in a relationship and to love each other despite the overwhelming resistance from society and the system.
Nasta and Dasha are a couple with an unusual story. An age gap, life in Belarus, coming to terms with their sexualities, and the challenges faced by LGBTQ+ people in the post-soviet space — all of this could have made their meeting and relationship unlikely. Especially today, when the LGBTQ+ community in Belarus finds itself at the forefront of widespread repression (as reported by the Legal Initiative on November 19, 2024).
Between fear and freedom
The conversation begins with a difficult question from the podcast listeners: could Nasta and Dasha be openly together as a couple in Belarus?
“When we were in Belarus, Nasta and I weren’t together. Our relationship began during forced migration in Ukraine”, Dasha admits. But the issue isn’t just about being in a relationship — it’s about the very possibility of being open. Even now, living abroad, they still encounter homophobia from society.
Dasha recalls that, of course, as a teenager, once she realized her orientation, she didn’t hide it — but only within a close circle. She associates this more with the typical teenage attitude of not caring much about what others think.
“At that time, when I was still living in Belarus, there weren’t the kinds of serious restrictions that exist now. That’s why I understand that if I were there now… or if such regulations had been introduced back then, I probably would have thought twice about whether I could say something, and to whom I could say it”, Dasha says.
Nasta, on the other hand, faced this issue later — already as a mother of two. For her, being a lesbian in a homophobic society is directly tied to a constant fear of having her children taken away. Even if you don’t say it out loud, the fear still lingers somewhere inside.
“It’s just plain dangerous. And now I’ll say something super unpopular that’s been on my mind for the past few weeks — if it hadn’t been for forced migration, I probably would have continued living in Belarus and hiding even more. But when you live without that burden, without that pressure — it’s actually completely different. And it really hurts to admit that”, says Nasta.
16-year age gap: barrier or unique feature?
Smoothly transitioning to the next topic, Nasta and Dasha discuss whether the age difference affects their relationship. There’s a 16-year gap between them, and as they say, it’s only noticeable in their different upbringings and cultural references.
Dasha jokes kindly that Nasta sometimes uses words that seem to have gone out of fashion back in the 2000s. Though she admits it’s more “funny” than anything else.
There’s also a difference in their attitude toward new technologies. For example, Nasta approaches new tech with more fear and difficulty — she started using artificial intelligence much later than Dasha. But this also reflects their life experiences: Nasta got her first mobile phone at 20 and her first smartphone at 21, while Dasha got hers at 13. So, naturally, for someone over 40, adapting to new technologies is harder than it is for someone who is 25.
Nasta admits that her initial fear was about one of them always being the “adult” and the other the “child” in the relationship — like in some heterosexual couples, where the wife is expected to remind the husband to shower, shave, or schedule a doctor’s appointment. But she later realized that in her relationship with Dasha, they simply complement each other.
Dasha was worried at first about how their loved ones would react. But over time, they both came to understand that their relationship is their happiness — and their private matter. It’s not something others need to approve of or comment on.
Love languages: how they show care
From reflections on external challenges, the conversation turns to how they express their love.
Dasha writes funny songs for Nasta. They enjoy cooking for each other and giving unique gifts. Recently, that meant an inhaler and an electric massager. But most importantly, they say, is the ability to sense each other’s needs while not forgetting about their own. Love isn’t just about romance — it’s about paying attention to the little things, even the ones that might seem insignificant to others.
On queer aging and happiness
Wrapping up the episode, the couple answers an important question about the future.
Dasha is already making plans for old age, while Nasta hasn’t really thought about it yet. Still, they had an idea of renting a big house and living there together with other queer couples. They imagine a cheerful group of queer elders enjoying life together in such a home.
Right now, though, the question isn’t so much about “queer aging” as it is about whether they can afford a peaceful life at all. Dasha is already thinking about retirement, while Nasta admits that her focus is more on securing their family’s stability today. They both agree that living in forced migration and supporting a large family with two children means even a week of illness can have a serious impact on their household budget.
But no matter how hard things get, they are happy to have each other. Against all odds. And what truly matters to you in a relationship? You can connect with Nasta Bazar on Instagram.
