Nasta Bazar and Dasha Churko are on the air. We reflect on romantic relationships in modern society and who holds the top position in the family hierarchy.
The traditional family model is, of course, heterosexual and has clear roles and responsibilities. It is said that the man is supposed to be the head of the family, but in reality it is the woman who decides most family matters.
Does what we are used to hearing about relationships still exist today? Or is something changing?
That’s why we’ve created a podcast where we share our experiences and opinions, and talk to people in and out of relationships. To show how many different alternatives there are in relationships today that you may not have known about.
In the first episode, we introduce ourselves. We share our experiences and reflect on what helps and what hinders love.
What the episode was about. Timestamps:
What does “traditional” mean? If it is stereotypical, then we are exactly a traditional lesbian family: we have short haircuts, tattoos, a she-cat and even two children.
Despite the fact that there is a 16-year age gap between us and that we belong to different generations, we have found that in our teenage years we both had an imagination of the future that necessarily included romantic relationships. Even if you realise as a teenager that you are lesbian, there is still an expectation that relationships will happen.
Up until the 2000s, there was definitely pressure for a woman to get married by the age of 20, and once married, children were expected to follow immediately.
We also discussed that if you don’t have a partner by the age of 14-16, people around you start to think there’s something wrong with you.
But are there any representations of non-romantic relationships? In most books, films, TV series and cartoons there is always a romantic storyline, and the hero or heroine is constantly looking for love.
Unfortunately, we have become used to the fact that LGBTQ representation is also very limited, as is the representation of people from other vulnerable groups, which is almost non-existent. But it seems that no one even considers the possibility of showing an independent person in society.
The same goes for solo motherhood, which is also not shown in a positive context. Instead of calling a woman with children an “independent mother”, in our society she is called a “lone mother” (in Belarusian and russian with a negative connotation, as if she were an “outsider”). And on the whole, in these representations you won’t see any examples of how independent, strong and capable these women really are.
Our opinion: This is precisely because of the pressure that everyone should “be in a relationship” and that “there should be a wedding” and that “there should be children”. Precisely because it is “should be” and not “I wish”, there are so many divorces. People often give in to societal pressures more than they feel about themselves and what they really would like for themselves.
And then there is a common situation – psychological infertility. If pregnancy does not occur immediately, it is assumed that the problem lies with the woman (which is not true, as even completely healthy people can become pregnant within a year).
And is it really the romantic relationship that is needed? In our society, friendships with strong affection are very undervalued and any kind of touching is overly sexualised. A lot of people don’t like everyday physical contact, but a lot of people need it, and it seems that the only “legitimate” way to get it is to be in a romantic relationship.
And to understand in general what everyone exactly would like in their life, it is very important to live independently. But in our society this period is almost non-existent. Most of the time people move from their parents’ family to their own family without even knowing how and what they like, how they are comfortable and convenient to live.
We have discussed the differences between heterosexual and same-sex marriages, as well as the division of household responsibilities in a family with two women. But it’s not about being two women, it’s about balance and doing things together.
We’d love to hear in the comments what societal expectations you encountered when you were a teenager, and what your expectations were for relationships, marriage and children.
