Valentine’s Day, benevolent sexism, and “defender of the fatherland” Day are the topics of the fourth episode of the podcast.
If a woman is a feminist, is it “okay” for her to still expect the obligatory bouquet of flowers on Valentine’s Day? As a feminist, I understand women who really want to immerse themselves in that patriarchal romantic atmosphere on February 14, to be wooed by a man on that very holiday.
And indeed, what is strange or surprising about such a desire when women have been taught their entire conscious lives that this is the proper behavior, this is the ritual that indicates true love.
Thanks to the event industry that begins to prepare us well in advance, the mass market retailers overflowing with plush hearts and cute souvenirs, and the media filled with romantic stories and fairy tale love movies, it all seems really nice and sweet and makes us long for that magic and fantasy.
I think this holiday fixes gender roles in our minds, wraps them in a kind of romantic veil, fixes them as something nice and pleasant and right. But for both men and women who have not thought about who is a privileged group and who is oppressed; who has open horizons and who has limited rights — participating in such a holiday reinforces a patriarchal worldview.
In the patriarchal worldview, chasing prey — part of the hunt — is also welcomed, and male “hunters” practice stalking. This is a frightening phenomenon that is often romanticized in the media.
I remember one article very well: it was in Minsk, a girl lived in a high-rise building, and the guy pitched a tent in her yard and said that he would not leave until she forgave him and gave him a second chance. I don’t remember exactly how many days he had been there for at the time of publication, but the gist of the article was that, “My God, how romantic! Come on, forgive him, he’s a real man, how much he loves you!”
A number of comments on the article said the same thing. And indeed, this is the most abusive and dangerous behavior. Such a man is a would-be rapist who will not accept rejection, refuses to let go of a woman, pressures, coerces, and ultimately uses manipulative tactics such as public pressure to get his way.
The same can be said of the widespread practice of public marriage proposals. Imagine how a girl feels when she finds herself at the center of such a “beautifully” framed confession, with a thousand strangers looking at her in admiration. How can a girl say no in such a situation? Here is an example of public pressure when a girl feels that she just has to say “yes” because to say “no” would be very embarrassing, terrible.
When you want to be a little girl, cradled in strong arms and sheltered behind a stone wall, you realize the same thing, that you’ll always be second best. Your opinion will be secondary, it probably won’t even be asked. You will be seen as weak and defenseless, which means you will not be trusted with anything important. This is not only true in couple relationships, it also means that it is more difficult for a woman to have a career because, well, how can she be trusted with a leadership position if she is “weak and needs to be helped with everything”?
Benevolent sexism is defined as making interactions as pleasant, beautiful, and romantic as possible. When a man opens the door, pulls out a chair, brings you a coat, helps you off the bus, gives you flowers, pays for everything on the first or any date because he is a man, and so on. These are all manifestations of benevolent sexism, but they are still sexism because they are discrimination, because they do not put men and women on an equal footing.
A woman is considered vulnerable, stupid, weak, unable to cope with some minimal difficulties, and a man next to her is “a protector, a support, he solves everything”.
And this benevolent, so pleasant, gallant, gentlemanly, but still sexism, has very serious consequences that are not obvious at first glance. Think about it the next time you are politely let through the door by a man, and think about how there is a struggle for resources, how at work they distribute bonuses based on the fact that the “man should get more because he is a hunter”, and you “have a normal income for a woman”, and “in general, the man should earn”.
So in this episode I wanted to talk about another so-called “defender of the fatherland” Day. So this day has turned from a once professional one into a gendered masculine one and has absolutely excluded all women who have anything to do with it as a professional one.
Starting from the fact that according to the linguistic tradition to speak about all people in the masculine gender, the name of the date sounded and sounds like the day of the defender or the day of the defenders, as you can see, the women defenderess never “stood” here, but originally it was about the profession in which there are quite a lot of women. Always, in every defense, there is a huge contribution of women. If you think back to the Second World War: pilotesses, scoutesses, anti-aircraft gunneresses, signal operatoresses, orderliesses, nurses, feldsheresses, doctoresses – a huge number of women are simply crossed out and erased, as if they had made no contribution.
And finally, because it’s kind of an oxymoron to congratulate defenders who have become forwards in the current situation.
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