When anxiety becomes a constant companion and doesn’t let go even before sleep, many people start wondering: “What’s wrong with me?” If you feel like you’re “trapped” and don’t understand why you keep checking the stove or whether the door is locked — you might recognize yourself. Or someone who’s been around for a long time but still couldn’t explain what’s happening to them.
“Misery Shared Podcast” is an honest conversation about mental health. Its host, Slava, shares personal experiences of living with obsessive-compulsive disorder — not for shock value, but to explain what it really means to live with OCD. How it starts, why it’s so hard to stop, and what happens if you let it spiral out of control.
Disclaimer: the author makes it clear that he is not a psychologist or a psychotherapist. He strongly opposes any form of online diagnosis. This podcast is not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment. Its purpose is to explain things in simple terms and to encourage people to seek help from a therapist — even if it feels like a waste of time. It also aims to help listeners choose a good mental health professional.
What is OCD, in simple terms?
OCD (or obsessive-compulsive disorder, scientifically speaking) is often associated with endless hand-washing. More progressive sources expand the definition to include a need for symmetry. But those are just some of the possible symptoms — and not always the ones people experience. OCD can manifest in many different ways. For example, as a fear of making a mistake — which leads to rereading a message over and over before sending it. Or a thought like: “What if I don’t check the receipt and the cashier charged a different price, and I miss it?” Very often, it’s about the feeling that everything depends on you. Things might not actually go wrong — but you want to be prepared just in case. And this exhausting, constant nature of anxiety is the core problem in OCD.
Slava calls it a cage in hell with an open door — a metaphor that might seem exaggerated until you find yourself inside. It feels like you can walk out at any moment, but you keep going back to the compulsive behaviors again and again.
And many people live for years asking themselves, “How do I break out of the OCD cycle?” Or they see it as a fixed part of their personality — because they can’t even remember when it began.
How does OCD begin?
OCD rarely starts suddenly. For Slava, the first symptoms appeared in school — with what seemed like harmless checking of the gas stove and the door. Back then, he didn’t know it was the first step into a vicious cycle where anxiety disguises itself as hyper-responsibility.
Over time, the simple checks become more complicated and layered with new fears. For example, you’re not just checking the receipt — you can’t walk away from the fridge until you’re sure that everything you bought actually made it home. Five, ten, twenty times. And it’s not because you forgot — it’s because you’re afraid of making a mistake. Even if everything’s been checked, your brain still doubts it.
Gradually, anxiety turns into a way of existing. And maybe, if in Belarus — especially in the 1990s — there had been a culture of seeking help from a psychologist, things wouldn’t feel so critical today.
Why do we stay silent about our anxiety?
The difficulty of OCD lies not only in the symptoms, but also in how society treats psychology. In post-Soviet culture, the idea still persists that seeing a psychologist is something to be ashamed of — especially for men.
“A real man should handle it on his own” — a mindset that causes many people to stay silent about their struggles for years.
Add to that the fear of being misunderstood. It’s always scary to open up — it’s easy to be labeled as “crazy.” Especially in childhood, if OCD begins to show at that age.
And sometimes, even if you’ve already made the first step, when you go to a psychologist, it might turn out they don’t understand your problem. They might say, “You’re just stressed.”
Although this podcast doesn’t aim to replace professional therapy (quite the opposite), it’s a way to answer the questions you might not have found the right words for when trying to describe your condition.
And if you feel like you already know everything about yourself and are just waiting for the doctor to prescribe antidepressants — take a pause.
In the upcoming episodes, we’ll explain why those medications don’t always work the way you expect. To understand that, you first need to understand the underlying mechanism.
The mechanism of the vicious cycle
So, we’ve established that OCD is a loop. But why does it keep working, despite how exhausting it is?
Imagine being struck by an anxious thought — “What if they gave me the wrong change?” And since you were the one at the store, “It would be your fault if your family lost money — because you weren’t careful enough.” To relieve the tension, you take an action to get rid of the thought. For example, you count the change again. While you’re counting the money, the thought fades — the situation feels under control, but only briefly. Let’s say you finally feel calm after counting the change a third time. Everything seems fine. BUT — the idea that “this is the right thing to do” can take root. And next time, you’ll do it again. And if it doesn’t help, maybe you’ll need to do it one more time. The more often you repeat it, the more the habit solidifies. And there it is — the cycle. That’s how the vicious loop is formed — and why it’s so hard to break out of it on your own.
Once you start to understand how the cycle works, it becomes easier to see why OCD symptoms can look so different — but all come from the same root. Some people are afraid of contamination, some are obsessed with symmetry, and others experience mostly intrusive thoughts without visible rituals (the Pure-O type). But at the core, it’s always about trying to control inner chaos through external actions.
And yes — hyper-responsibility is the main fuel for OCD. It throws more logs into a fire that’s already burning. It’s not just about wanting to control everything — it’s the belief that too much depends on you.
“If you don’t check the stove — there’ll be a fire, and it will be your fault. If you don’t check the door — someone might break in. If you don’t reread the contract — you’ll let everyone down.” Even if there’s no real reason for the anxiety.
And because this sense of responsibility doesn’t exactly feel unreasonable, the constant pressure to check things doesn’t get questioned. That’s why, even in ideal social environments with a well-developed mental health culture, it’s hard for a person to recognize it as a problem in time. And over time, the habit becomes deeply ingrained — simply because of the sheer amount of time spent repeating the same checks.
How is OCD treated?
What should you do if you suspect OCD in yourself or someone close to you? It’s important to understand: this is not a life sentence. And it’s not a “personality quirk.” OCD can be treated. There are approaches — including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). It’s not magic, and it doesn’t work overnight. But it can help you break out of the vicious cycle. There are exposure techniques, breathing practices, and self-help methods that support the process.
The most important thing is to find a specialist who understands how obsessive-compulsive disorder works. Especially in Belarus, where many people worry whether it’s safe to talk to a psychologist about political activity — or whether it’s better to avoid certain topics that might be unsafe to mention. Because in today’s reality, OCD or anxiety disorders can be triggered by the events of 2020 or their aftermath. And in such cases, not everything can be shared openly. This makes the psychologist’s work more complicated — especially if they lack experience and aren’t able to work solely based on what the client feels, without knowing the full story.
Although Slava hesitated for a long time before seeking help, that step became a turning point — though it only happened after he moved to Lithuania. In the upcoming episodes, we’ll talk more about therapy, how specialists work with OCD or anxiety disorders, and what truly helps.
Even if you’re scared, unable to speak, or feel like no one will understand — that’s not a reason to go through it alone.
In the next episode of the Misery Shared Podcast, we’ll take a closer look at treatment methods and personal experiences of overcoming OCD.
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Our e-mail address is: help@belarus.fm
