{"id":11183,"date":"2025-05-15T22:45:00","date_gmt":"2025-05-15T19:45:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/?p=11183"},"modified":"2025-09-20T22:10:15","modified_gmt":"2025-09-20T19:10:15","slug":"meet-10","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/top-or-bottom\/meet-10\/","title":{"rendered":"Toxic masculinity hurts the LGBTQ+ too. Is TradWife a scam? Tips for partnership in a family setting"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div class=\"podcastplayer\"><figure class=\"wp-block-audio podcastplayer\"><audio controls src=\"https:\/\/anchor.fm\/s\/100091180\/podcast\/play\/102755150\/https%3A%2F%2Fd3ctxlq1ktw2nl.cloudfront.net%2Fstaging%2F2025-4-16%2F400406917-44100-2-f7ae793768524.m4a\" preload=\"none\"><\/audio><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"mks_dropcap_letter\" style=\"font-size: 72px; color: #dd3c7a; \">I<\/span>n this episode of the podcast, we explore the division of responsibilities in romantic partnerships.<\/h5>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s a topic we care deeply about \u2014 because over nearly five years of being together, we\u2019ve tried many different approaches: from \u201cone person does more\u201d to \u201csplitting everything 50\/50\u201d. It took us some time to figure out what works best for us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We began by looking at the models that society typically offers. Most commonly, it\u2019s the classic traditional setup: the man provides financially, while the woman takes care of everything else \u2014 the household, children, emotional wellbeing. But it\u2019s worth remembering this wasn\u2019t always the case. Even in prehistoric communities, around 90% of food came from women and children \u2014 who gathered berries, fruits, and hunted small animals. Mammoths didn\u2019t show up every day. So the idea that being the \u201cbreadwinner\u201d is exclusively a male role is more myth than fact. Maybe in one of the upcoming seasons, we\u2019ll take a deeper dive into this from a historical and anthropological perspective.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We discussed where our ideas about family roles come from \u2014 how, in childhood, we observed different models. One of us had a mom who did everything: \u201cbringing home the bacon\u201d, running the household, and providing emotional care. The other didn\u2019t have any examples of a dependent woman in her surroundings. This helps explain why the model of \u201cone person doing it all\u201d doesn\u2019t work for us and can\u2019t be a foundation for sustainable partnerships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>And this doesn\u2019t only apply to heterosexual relationships. Even in LGBTQ+ couples, there can be an unspoken assignment of roles like \u201cthe one who earns money\u201d and \u201cthe one who takes care of the household\u201d. But that doesn\u2019t always create balance.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>We shared a personal example of when one of us was the sole income provider for two months \u2014 it was an exhausting, painful experience that clearly showed: this can\u2019t be a way to live. It undermines the partnership.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>We also talked about current trends like the \u201cTradWife\u201d \u2014 women who seem to embrace traditional roles. But when you look more closely, you see that many of them have their own personal brands, stable income, media exposure. And often behind the image of \u201cspending three hours making a Snickers bar while holding a child\u201d \u2014 there\u2019s a nanny, a film crew, and a lot of money. So we ask ourselves: is this really their choice? And what will happen in 5\u201310 years?<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>Motherhood is often not seen as an achievement in society. When one of us became a director, people were impressed. When she gave birth to a child \u2014 it was just \u201ca matter of fact\u201d. But from the inside, both were equally significant milestones. And that also affects how roles are distributed in a family, and how we ourselves understand and interpret them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>At home, we eventually came to some pretty simple rules: we cook together if we have the energy. If neither of us does \u2014 we make something quick, still together. One of us usually does the grocery shopping, but that\u2019s something we discussed \u2014 and if one of us is overwhelmed, the other takes on a different task.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Household chores actually caused the fewest conflicts. The bigger challenges were about kids and money. Kids also need to be \u201cshared\u201d in a way: who talks to them about tough topics, who handles the practical stuff, who makes sure agreed-upon rules are followed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>One of us shared how she felt that monitoring the rules fell entirely on her, and at some point, she had to explicitly ask for redistribution. There were also funny everyday situations \u2014 like a candy wrapper left in the fridge or a dirty glass on the table. For one of us, it caused confusion; for the other, it was just normal. But we talked it out, and over time, things aligned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>One of the most important topics we discussed was the appearance of a second significant adult in the children\u2019s lives. It\u2019s no longer just \u201cyour kids \u2014 your responsibility\u201d, but shared parenting. But this didn\u2019t come easily: at first, one of us made most of the decisions alone. Later, we began truly discussing everything together \u2014 and from that point, we both had more responsibility, but also more freedom and ease.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, when choosing a school for the younger child \u2014 we made that decision together: we researched, talked, made lists. And that had a big impact on the feeling of partnership within the family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>When it came to money, we tried a lot of things too: at first, we pooled everything together. Then one of us took on more, because \u201cthey\u2019re her kids\u201d. Then we tried splitting things 70\/30, then 60\/40 \u2014 none of it worked. After three months, we started to grow distant. But then we had an honest conversation and switched to a 50\/50 split \u2014 in both earnings and responsibility. And it was a real relief.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>Of course, sometimes one of us earns more, the other less. But overall, everything evens out over the year.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>One of the most important realizations was that when one person carries more of the load \u2014 it\u2019s crucial to care for yourself. We started practicing the idea of \u201cpaying yourself a tithe\u201d \u2014 setting aside a small amount of money as a token of gratitude to yourself for your work. It helps prevent burnout and preserves your inner resources. We\u2019re now trying to make it a habit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To sum up \u2014 we came to the conclusion that sharing responsibilities isn\u2019t something fixed once and for all. It\u2019s an ongoing process of negotiation, revision, conversation, and honesty with each other. And yes, it can be hard. But in the end \u2014 it brings real ease, support, and partnership.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That\u2019s exactly what we\u2019ve tried to talk about throughout the entire season \u2014 across 10 episodes. Sharing responsibilities is about equality, freedom, respect, and choice. And also \u2014 about the sense of responsibility and the joy that comes when you\u2019re truly in it together.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It\u2019s a topic we care deeply about \u2014 because over nearly five years of being together, we\u2019ve tried many different approaches: from \u201cone person does more\u201d to \u201csplitting everything 50\/50\u201d. It took us some time to figure out what works best for us. We began by looking at the models that society typically offers. Most [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":10454,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[376],"tags":[352],"class_list":["post-11183","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-top-or-bottom","tag-audio-in-russian"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11183","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11183"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11183\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10454"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11183"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11183"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11183"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}