{"id":11173,"date":"2025-05-11T21:39:00","date_gmt":"2025-05-11T18:39:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/?p=11173"},"modified":"2025-09-20T22:03:10","modified_gmt":"2025-09-20T19:03:10","slug":"meet-8","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/top-or-bottom\/meet-8\/","title":{"rendered":"\u201cThey didn\u2019t wait for me\u201d: a former lesbian political prisoner on life in prison and love in freedom"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div class=\"podcastplayer\"><figure class=\"wp-block-audio podcastplayer\"><audio controls src=\"https:\/\/anchor.fm\/s\/100091180\/podcast\/play\/102536390\/https%3A%2F%2Fd3ctxlq1ktw2nl.cloudfront.net%2Fstaging%2F2025-4-12%2F400084546-44100-2-b162aad88ad6d.m4a\" preload=\"none\"><\/audio><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"mks_dropcap_letter\" style=\"font-size: 72px; color: #dd3c7a; \">W<\/span>hile Dasha was in prison, she dreamed of the future: she\u2019d get out, meet a tall, confident lawyer ready to spend all her money on Dasha\u2019s therapy, and start a brand new chapter of her life. In reality, things turned out differently \u2014 but also far more unpredictable. Two months after her release, already living in Poland, she met Ksyusha \u2014 a fair-haired Belarusian woman, a head and a half shorter than her \u2014 and it was love at first sight.<\/h5>\n\n\n\n<p>Dasha is a feminist, activist, and former political prisoner who spent two and a half years in jail. She also runs a feminist blog on Instagram. Ksyusha is a doctor \u2014 an internist and future surgeon \u2014 who enjoys staying at home. While Dasha is very sociable, Ksyusha is quiet and reserved. And in that contrast, they\u2019ve found comfort with each other. That\u2019s how their relationship began \u2014 one filled with true love, tenderness, support, the slow process of rebuilding a life piece by piece, a dog named Zubik, and shared plans for a wedding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>In this episode of the \u201cTop or Bottom?\u201d podcast, Dasha and Ksyusha talk about their lives and the past that brought them together. About the anxiety disorder that followed Dasha\u2019s political imprisonment and the importance of trust \u2014 trust that must be rebuilt from scratch.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>Relationships after prison always bring up the question: how do you build them? There\u2019s the idea of how you wish it would be \u2014 but then there\u2019s reality. Dasha once thought she\u2019d immediately go to an LGBTQ+ club in Minsk after release \u2014 but when the time came, she had no energy for anything. Coming out of prison meant reintroducing herself to who she was, because what she went through left a deep mark. Anxiety, fear of loud noises, the inability to approach the door \u2014 Ksyusha is the one who answers when guests or couriers come by.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She feels that she\u2019s no longer the same person she was before prison. After her release, Dasha\u2019s idea of who she was didn\u2019t align with how she actually felt \u2014 and that disconnect came with fear: what if she didn\u2019t live up to others\u2019 expectations?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>There was also a deeper, more intimate fear: Dasha realized that Ksyusha would have to help heal wounds she didn\u2019t cause. And with that came anxiety \u2014 what if her own reactions or defense mechanisms ended up hurting Ksyusha, even unintentionally?<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>Dasha had been married, but the marriage ended before she was imprisoned. Her ex-husband supported her the entire time \u2014 he gathered and sent care packages through her mother, and lived with her cats for a year despite being allergic. There were no demands or expectations between them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Trust, however, remained a difficult issue. During her sentence, Dasha was not waited for \u2014 neither by the woman she loved nor by her friends. That left a deep hurt. The relationships ended one-sidedly \u2014 there was no call to her mother, not even a single chocolate bar. And in prison, a chocolate bar means a lot. That\u2019s why, the day after her release, Dasha gathered and delivered care packages to the women who were still incarcerated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Today, Dasha is working with her therapist on a recurring emotional pattern: \u201cWhat did I do wrong?\u201d, \u201cWhat did I fail to give?\u201d, \u201cDid I not deserve it?\u201d She lives with the constant feeling that those close to her might leave.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>But Dasha\u2019s story isn\u2019t just about trauma. It\u2019s about real love \u2014 the kind that isn\u2019t afraid of the shadows of the past. It\u2019s about a woman who understands breakdowns, who will hold Dasha if she wakes up in the middle of the night from a loud noise and say: \u201cI\u2019m here\u201d.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>In the episode, we also talk about lesbians in women\u2019s colonies \u2014 yes, they exist. And while five years ago people wouldn\u2019t even \u201cboil water\u201d next to an openly lesbian woman, the situation has changed today. Dasha shares stories about \u201cfamilies\u201d formed inside the prison, about an attempt to stage a music video with elements of drag culture, about the support and informal sisterhood among political prisoners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Political prisoners lived within a close-knit community, interacting only in a narrow circle \u2014 due to restrictions and the yellow tags sewn onto their clothing (placed there by the administration to mark all political prisoners). What helped them endure were jokes and mutual support.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Today, Dasha and Ksyusha have a dog and a cat. Their dog, Zubik (he\u2019s 16 years old), was adopted from a shelter in poor condition, but now he\u2019s doing great and has even gained weight \u2014 8 kg. The cat was brought over from Belarus. In the near future, the couple is planning their wedding and thinking about having children.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dasha is a feminist, activist, and former political prisoner who spent two and a half years in jail. She also runs a feminist blog on Instagram. Ksyusha is a doctor \u2014 an internist and future surgeon \u2014 who enjoys staying at home. While Dasha is very sociable, Ksyusha is quiet and reserved. And in that [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":10406,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[376],"tags":[352],"class_list":["post-11173","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-top-or-bottom","tag-audio-in-russian"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11173","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11173"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11173\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10406"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11173"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11173"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11173"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}