{"id":11158,"date":"2025-03-27T00:23:52","date_gmt":"2025-03-26T21:23:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/?p=11158"},"modified":"2025-09-20T21:56:58","modified_gmt":"2025-09-20T18:56:58","slug":"meet-5","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/top-or-bottom\/meet-5\/","title":{"rendered":"\u201cWe\u2019re like Zendaya and Tom Holland\u201d: Life after prison, a love story, and racism"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div class=\"podcastplayer\"><figure class=\"wp-block-audio podcastplayer\"><audio controls src=\"https:\/\/anchor.fm\/s\/100091180\/podcast\/play\/100426815\/https%3A%2F%2Fd3ctxlq1ktw2nl.cloudfront.net%2Fstaging%2F2025-2-26%2F397298623-44100-2-65c928d01b2d7.m4a\" preload=\"none\"><\/audio><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"mks_dropcap_letter\" style=\"font-size: 72px; color: #dd3c7a; \">I<\/span>n the latest episode of the podcast Top or Bottom?, our guests were Alana Gebremariam [<a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/alana.g.t\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener nofollow\"><u>Instagram<\/u><\/a>] \u2014 a political activist, socio-political figure, and former political prisoner \u2014 and Artyom Staver [<a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/artist\/36LrVEraCRHhqw9c38sizx\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener nofollow\"><u>Spotify<\/u><\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/music.apple.com\/by\/artist\/u-head\/335531134\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener nofollow\"><u>Apple Music<\/u><\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/channel\/UC5Hum7OuuZWBLRt2E_H2XFA\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener nofollow\"><u>YouTube<\/u><\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/oh_uhead\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener nofollow\"><u>Instagram<\/u><\/a>] \u2014 a director, editor, and musician involved in cultural projects.<\/h5>\n\n\n\n<p>Their story is about trust \u2014 the kind that doesn&#8217;t come instantly. About connection \u2014 the kind that takes time. And about how a relationship can begin even amid deep trauma, if there&#8217;s a willingness to give another person a chance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As hosts, it was especially important for us to talk with Alana and Artyom to explore the topic of relationships after trauma. Alana was unlawfully imprisoned in a Belarusian penal colony. After her release, she experienced heightened anxiety in interactions with men \u2014 perceiving them more as a threat than as potential partners. Artyom had to flee unsafe environments twice: first from Belarus, and then from Ukraine. He had emigrated to Ukraine and was there when russia launched its full-scale invasion \u2014 after which he was forced to evacuate to Poland.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>It&#8217;s not like everything around them was conducive to love.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>But then, they both ended up in Poland \u2014 literally on the same street.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A pivotal role in Alana and Artyom\u2019s story was Artyom\u2019s persistence: he kept messaging Alana, inviting her for coffee, even months before she moved to Warsaw. At the time, Alana rarely replied and wasn\u2019t thinking about a relationship. One day, Artyom saw an Instagram story where Alana mentioned her move \u2014 and he recognized his own building in the background. He realized she would be living nearby. It felt incredible, as if fate itself was nudging them to meet. At that point, Alana had already ended a previous relationship, and with time, she regained a sense of safety \u2014 making open communication possible. She felt ready to give Artyom a chance and agreed to have coffee with him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>That coffee became the starting point of their relationship.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>Hard experiences affect everyone \u2014 and trauma often breaks even the strongest relationships. So what should we pay attention to when building a connection in such circumstances?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>First of all, relationships don&#8217;t just appear out of nowhere \u2014 especially when both people carry trauma. The phrase \u201clove conquers all\u201d sounds beautiful, but it needs help. Infatuation alone isn\u2019t enough \u2014 real life begins. War, emigration, and changing realities make honesty especially valuable. It becomes the foundation of a relationship in the face of external instability. It\u2019s in these moments that you understand who you are \u2014 and who stands beside you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sometimes it feels like \u2014 finally, it\u2019s over, and you can breathe. But often, even when the situation stabilizes, relationships still fall apart, because the partners don\u2019t know how to be together in peace and safety. And because it\u2019s precisely in moments of safety that PTSD comes back. Many couples either grow closer under these conditions \u2014 or fall apart. Alana and Artyom went through this too: irritation, arguments. There was a moment of crisis.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>PTSD is not just a painful memory. It\u2019s a condition where the body and mind continue to live in danger \u2014 even when the danger is gone. When everything seems calm on the outside, anxiety, frustration, and fear can rage on the inside. A person with PTSD may not understand what\u2019s happening, and their loved ones may not know how to help. This doesn\u2019t make someone \u201cbroken\u201d. It makes them vulnerable \u2014 and in need of support.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>Support can come through therapy. But it\u2019s important to understand: therapy only works if the person is ready to change something. Sometimes we feel like the psychologist isn\u2019t helping \u2014 but it\u2019s because we\u2019re not opening up, not willing to listen, not trusting. A psychologist won\u2019t solve everything for us, but they can help us find the way. And if you\u2019re hurt and that pain is interfering with your life \u2014 it\u2019s important to give yourself a chance. Not for someone else \u2014 but for yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>PTSD affected Alana and Artyom\u2019s relationship precisely when things more or less stabilized in emigration. And this is where flexibility, openness, and a willingness to change become essential \u2014 not losing yourself, but creating something shared. Personal boundaries become especially important, especially if you\u2019ve lived for a long time in conditions where those boundaries didn\u2019t exist at all. For Alana, prison was such a place. After spending years with others in the colony, she realized her need for personal space. So in her new relationship, it was important to have her own space \u2014 not just physical, but emotional as well. And that\u2019s crucial \u2014 to feel and define your own boundaries.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>For Alana and Artyom, the solution came through housing. Each of them had their own area in the home \u2014 for work, for rest, for silence. Responsibilities were divided naturally. The main thing was to listen and truly hear each other. They were able to get through it all because they didn\u2019t expect a perfect relationship \u2014 they worked on building their own.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>Alana emphasizes the importance of psychotherapy and openness in communication. During a period of depression, it\u2019s especially important to be sensitive to your partner. They reached understanding through conversations and therapy. Agreements provide a lot of support in a relationship. Each couple has their own, but the main thing is that both partners understand their needs and are able to express them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>People often ask Alana why she chose Artyom, saying \u201cthey\u2019re so different\u201d. Some point out that Artyom is shorter. Some acquaintances think Alana controls him. Others focus on his piercings. And some \u2014 on the fact that Alana is a Black Belarusian woman. But more often than not, unfortunately, what truly bothers people is the color of her skin \u2014 even if they only voice other concerns like piercings, height, or personality. This is racism \u2014 not overt, but hidden in evasive remarks, strange questions, and awkward jokes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There\u2019s also a stereotype: that it\u2019s \u201ccool\u201d to have had partners of different races or nationalities. Some men Alana interacted with in the past would say things like, \u201cYou\u2019re checking off my [wish] list for life\u201d. Or ask Artyom, \u201cYou like coffee with milk too?\u201d \u2014 a crude and prejudiced innuendo. They learned to respond with humor: Alana would joke that they were just copying Zendaya and Tom Holland. And Artyom once said, \u201cLet\u2019s just call ourselves the Belarusian Zendaya and Tom\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>Such behavior is part of a larger problem. In 2025, while humanity travels to space and builds incredibly complex technologies, remnants of the past still persist: racism, prejudice, and stereotypical thinking. Skin color, name, accent \u2014 all of that still matters to some people. The more we talk about it \u2014 calmly, honestly, without dramatizing \u2014 the better the chance that something will begin to change in society.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>Alana and Artyom\u2019s story is not a romantic fairytale. It\u2019s an honest account of pain, trust, healing from trauma, and learning to be together. And that, perhaps, is its greatest strength.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Their story is about trust \u2014 the kind that doesn&#8217;t come instantly. About connection \u2014 the kind that takes time. And about how a relationship can begin even amid deep trauma, if there&#8217;s a willingness to give another person a chance. As hosts, it was especially important for us to talk with Alana and Artyom [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":10000,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[376],"tags":[347],"class_list":["post-11158","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-top-or-bottom","tag-audio-in-belarusian"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11158","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11158"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11158\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10000"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11158"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11158"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11158"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}