{"id":11096,"date":"2025-04-15T19:38:27","date_gmt":"2025-04-15T16:38:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/?p=11096"},"modified":"2025-09-20T20:39:37","modified_gmt":"2025-09-20T17:39:37","slug":"but-7","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/im-not-a-feminist\/but-7\/","title":{"rendered":"The paradox of female friendship or how does propaganda work?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div class=\"podcastplayer\"><figure class=\"wp-block-audio podcastplayer\"><audio controls src=\"https:\/\/anchor.fm\/s\/1000c70c8\/podcast\/play\/101328688\/https%3A%2F%2Fd3ctxlq1ktw2nl.cloudfront.net%2Fstaging%2F2025-3-15%2F398447328-44100-2-2ed780b290fdf.m4a\" preload=\"none\"><\/audio><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"mks_dropcap_letter\" style=\"font-size: 72px; color: #dd3c7a; \">I<\/span>n the seventh episode of the podcast, I talk about internalized misogyny and how to overcome it, the use of feminine word forms, female solidarity despite everything, and the so-called independent choice.<\/h5>\n\n\n\n<p>Under almost any media content discussing a situation involving a woman, you\u2019ll find numerous aggressive and derogatory comments from men. But even more refined and cutting remarks often come from women. This behavior is easy to explain, but the third type of commenter always raises the question: \u201cBut you \u2014 you&#8217;re women yourselves \u2014 how can you join the lynch mob?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When a society is structured in such a way that a particular group of people is not considered equal \u2014 that\u2019s the key point, not considered equal \u2014 it leads to dislike, condescension, pity, or ridicule toward that group. Everyone learns to behave accordingly. If it\u2019s common to make fun of women, women themselves will laugh along. If blaming them is normalized, women will join in the blame. In order to be accepted somewhere, you have to play by that environment\u2019s rules \u2014 it helps you adapt better and secure yourself a slightly warmer place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>This is exactly the kind of situation where women distance themselves from their own group and try to appeal to the privileged group, as if to say, \u201cWe\u2019re not like them, we\u2019re different \u2014 we\u2019re the good ones\u201d.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>Here\u2019s a simple example outside of this context. Imagine you\u2019ve started a new job in an unfamiliar team. You\u2019re unlucky with your direct supervisors \u2014 they turn out to be toxic. Every day they\u2019re unhappy with you, telling you that you\u2019re clumsy, slow, and doing everything wrong. Now imagine being told, day after day, that you\u2019re basically incompetent. How long would it take before you start doubting yourself?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That\u2019s exactly how misogyny works: if the general atmosphere suggests that women are somehow lesser, eventually women themselves begin to believe it. I think that\u2019s why many women avoid using the feminine forms of words. For example, they refuse to refer to themselves as \u201cspecialistesses\u201d, \u201cjournalistesses\u201d, \u201cdoctresses\u201d or \u201carchitectesses\u201d, on the basis that there is no need to \u201cemphasise their genitals\u201d. (What does it matter that I\u2019m a woman? I\u2019m a great worker! A great doctor or architect, just like any man!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>Notice how the \u201cargument\u201d about why we shouldn\u2019t draw attention to genitals only ever comes up when feminists are demanding recognition of women\u2019s contributions. In other words: there\u2019s no need to highlight female genitals! But somehow, it\u2019s always acceptable to emphasize male ones, isn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>And so, because \u201cman\u201d sounds proud and strong, while \u201cwoman\u201d \u2014 not so much, women subconsciously avoid using feminine word forms. \u201cArchitect\u201d sounds respectable, but \u201carchitectess\u201d? Not so much. \u201cDirector\u201d sounds powerful, but \u201cdirectoress\u201d? Again, not quite. As if it\u2019s a lesser version \u2014 a not-quite-architect, a not-quite-director. All of this stems from misogyny, where anything feminine is automatically seen as inferior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The term \u201cpick-me\u201d is making the rounds lately \u2014 you\u2019ve probably heard it. Translated from English, it literally means \u201cpick me.\u201d It refers to a type of behavior often seen in women who seek validation from men, try to meet male expectations, and, in doing so, belittle other women. They assert themselves by distancing from other women, claiming they\u2019re \u201cnot like the others\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here, I\u2019d like to bring up just how independent our opinions really are. We, as people, don\u2019t exist in a vacuum. From birth \u2014 when we technically could form our own opinions without outside influence because we know absolutely nothing about the world we\u2019ve just entered \u2014 we still can\u2019t actually do that, for purely physiological reasons. By the time the brain is fully developed \u2014 ideally by adulthood \u2014 we are already saturated with all kinds of beliefs, rules, and norms of the society we live in. And honestly, that\u2019s normal. After all, how could we survive if we didn\u2019t know what\u2019s acceptable, how things are done, how to behave, what to believe in, and so on?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>Any opinion we hold is essentially a processed conclusion drawn from various pieces of information plus our personal experience, which helps us evaluate that information.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>To develop critical thinking, you need a broad outlook, a lot of communication with different people \u2014 especially those unlike yourself \u2014 and a curious mind, so that you can first gather multiple, different viewpoints on the same issue. This creates an internal conflict: why do they say one thing here, something else there, and what I\u2019ve seen with my own eyes is something entirely different? That\u2019s how your own opinion is eventually formed \u2014 based on a vast amount of processed information. No one makes a choice in a vacuum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>I ask you to always take the side of women and show empathy. Even if the least you can do is walk past \u2014 then do that, walk past. There will always be someone ready to kick.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>When I read news about a woman doing something terrible, I think about which patriarchal beliefs might have led her to it. Such reflections help ventilate emotions, prompt analysis and observation, and lead to personal insights \u2014 and what\u2019s left is no longer negativity, just a statement of fact. These thoughts help us understand why things happen the way they do, rather than differently \u2014 and they reduce our own levels of resentment toward women.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>Let\u2019s try not to give in to the patriarchal mindset of putting women down.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>If you want to contact us but are afraid to use comments, you can send us an e-mail. After that it will be enough to delete your letter from the \u201cSent\u201d folder.<br>Our e-mail address is: <a href=\"mailto:help@belarus.fm\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener nofollow\">help@belarus.fm<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Under almost any media content discussing a situation involving a woman, you\u2019ll find numerous aggressive and derogatory comments from men. But even more refined and cutting remarks often come from women. This behavior is easy to explain, but the third type of commenter always raises the question: \u201cBut you \u2014 you&#8217;re women yourselves \u2014 how [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":10188,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[381],"tags":[352],"class_list":["post-11096","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-im-not-a-feminist","tag-audio-in-russian"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11096","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11096"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11096\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10188"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11096"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11096"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/belarus.fm\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11096"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}